Hi
First thing you have to do is get the Jlink command line utility. If you have and IAR installation then in the installation path \Embedded Workbench 6.4_2\arm\bin you will find the Jlink.exe.
Now power your board with the J-link connected. Press the reset pin, holding the reset pin down power cycle your board and with the reset pin held low you run the Jlink.exe. If your debug interface is correct on the command window you will see the message that J-link communication was established with the controller.
You can release the reset pin now.
In the command prompt you type "Unlock Kineits". this will un secure the controller and now you should be able to program.
After this close the Jlink window and start again to see that it gives the JTAG communication okay messages or prompts any error.
now your reset should not toggle any more.